A story, to begin with: I was at the computer, watching the host
of The Daily Show, Trevor Noah interview
Tomi Lahgren, the millennial, conservative pundit. The interview was both painful
and beautiful to watch. It was beautiful to watch Noah’s skill in communicating
with someone who was his extreme opposite politically; and it was painful to
watch the unnecessary suffering that the guest apparently needed to tie to her political
opinions.
As I watched, I couldn’t help comparing it to a somewhat contentious
exchange I was having with a stranger on
Facebook. Now, to be clear, I am an unabashed liberal/progressive, but as a teacher
and one-time co-director of a meditation retreat center, I have learned to not
wear my politics on my sleeve or anywhere else while I am working in such an
environment where there should be no divisions based on politics, creed or
class. It would be a mistaken notion to think that everyone at a soft-hearted
meditation event is a bleeding heart liberal. It's true that the majority of retreat
participants lean toward the liberal side of the political spectrum, but there
are plenty of conservatives as well, yearning for wakefulness and a more open
heart.
But as we know, Facebook can be a minefield. It's a faceless
environment that invites the possibility for being a self-righteous ass and
speaking to people in a way you would hesitate to do in someone's face. How can
I be so sure? Because I have done it. I claim this expertise.
When I find myself in seeming combat with a political adversary,
I usually write something, and then tone it down with an edit…or two…or many. I
am beginning to see when I am not being helpful or open and I’m not allowing
the other person the space to open up. How could they, if they first have to hear
past my contentiousness?
So I am trying to do my best, but this FB intruder is well-armed
with insults and weapons of mass verbal destruction. After a few exchanges I realize
this is going nowhere; there's too much anger and there is no real communication,
so I select the FB button that allows me to “See less of Jim.” Another internet
mercy killing.
Then, as I mentioned, I watch The Daily Show interview, and I see that Trevor Noah exemplifies
everything I am missing in terms of my patience, ability to listen, and having
respectful speech. I see how easily my intelligence gets hijacked, and I
wonder, how do I get from here to there?
I then move on to an online talk by Susan Piver, who is a brilliant,
warm and fearless meditation teacher/blogger. I love how she readily admits her
anger with the current political scene, but at the same time is humble and owns
her own responsibility to overcome angry thoughts and to act with love and
intelligence.
She talks about how we are often instructed to separate what we
feel from what we do, but almost nobody
can do this. To bridge this gap, she recommends the practice of meditation. It’s
a great suggestion, but it’s also a very big package. It is deep with wisdom;
it is broad and wide with skillful means. I call it the Buddhist sign of the
cross – up-and-down wisdom; left-to-right skillful means…deep and wide…immense
possibilities in all directions.
But when it comes to on-the-spot conflict, that’s precisely where I'd like to separate out the skill called mindfulness. The practice of mindfulness
had already been successfully separated out from the Buddhist tradition by Jon Kabat-Zinn
who extracted it for people with chronic pain. Fast-forward a few decades, and we see that mindfulness-extracted (if I may) has become
a huge phenomenon in the world of self-help. I used to be wary of that because
I thought, erroneously, that it was the sound-bite version of meditation proper,
but now I think it is an amazing skillful means. Why? For two reasons: 1)
because it has already been
distinguished in centuries past as a separable component of
mindfulness-awareness meditation practice; and 2) because I believe that
mindfulness is going to be the leading edge in making meditation practice more
familiar and, in our culture – not vice versa.
So I say, use mindfulness
as the can opener. Mindfulness can be used anytime, even while driving. (Hopefully
we all understand that driving and meditating don’t mix!) I truly believe that
we need to take hold of this particular tool because there is such closed-mindedness
and closed-heartedness right now in the U.S., and I believe that we are in the
need of a humongous store of wisdom to penetrate this feeling of stalemate.
As I watched Noah connect and communicate, I saw a tremendous
display of mindfulness. His patience was buoyed by mindfulness; his
intelligence was sparked by mindfulness; his listening was rooted in
mindfulness; and his speech was a vivid expression of mindfulness. It really
didn’t matter who won the day politically; he won the day in terms of
expressing our common humanity.
As challenging as it can be for us to communicate across the
political divide – whether it be conservatives speaking to liberals, or liberals
speaking to conservatives – it can be enhanced with mindfulness practice. It
can be done with love.
I am reluctant to say this because it is so cliché, but love is the answer. Contentious
arguments over Facebook do nothing but harm and polarize. As Martin Luther King
Jr. says, hate begets hate…so we need to stop; we need to train. A quick anecdote: One of my teachers – a martial artist –
invited his grandmaster to teach a seminar, and during the Q & A section,
he was asked "What is the meaning of life?" Without skipping a beat, he
answered, "training." It’s true; due to the power of our habitual
behavior, we need training. Nothing is going to change overnight or by magic. Ain’t
no miracle that’s gonna happen.
How might we train? For starters, we not only extract mindfulness
from the mindfulness-awareness tradition, we extract the mindfulness of our own
natural, inherent experience. We extract mindfulness from our palette of
learning and listening skills, and apply it to all the words we say and hear.
To help
convey this, let me offer my perspective on mindfulness. From one point of
view, mindfulness is a large umbrella of practices that includes meditation but
is not limited to that category, alone. Meditation, itself, has two different
stages that we can refer to as mindfulness
and awareness. The first has to do
with attention, or peacefully abiding – which is the mindfulness component; and
the second is the awareness component. That second component is sometimes called
panoramic awareness, or it could be thought
of in a larger sense as “discoveries that come from mindfulness.” There are
other translations, but for our purposes, I will stick with these.
Mindfulness
begins with applying attention to what is called the object of meditation. We make the intention to keep our mind
on the object – oftentimes the breath – and our awareness lets us know when we
have strayed from that, so we bring our attention back to the object. Our
awareness also helps us understand why we strayed, how we strayed, and what all
of it means to us as human beings, trying to get by on a day-to-day minute-by-minute
existence that is too-often filled with distraction, chaos and self-loathing.
So, in our communication with others, if we bring our full attention to what we
are hearing (including tone of voice, as well as physical and facial
expressions) we can stay more present. But…that’s the easier part; the more
difficult part is keeping mindful of our own responses – our anger, our hurt
pride, our arrogance, our lack of trust in others. There is much to be mindful
of – a rich constellation, indeed.
There
is so much to be discovered, and sometimes the depth and breadth of those
discoveries are overwhelming and might be too much to take in. Nevertheless, I
believe that at bare minimum, we can extract the mindfulness component. I
believe that we can, at least, learn to pay closer attention; we can, at least,
train that as our contribution to help the world with this tsunami of suffering
that shows no sign of abatement.
What I
saw in Trevor Noah’s interview, was a refined skill in paying attention. I
haven’t the foggiest idea if he has even given a sidelong glance to the meditation
tradition, but it doesn’t matter; I can see is that something in his life experience
honed this skill, and I am inspired to look
more deeply at my own practice to see if I can bring more mindful attention to
bear on my life. In the same interview I saw young, conservative, self-righteous,
Tomi Lahgren spewing hateful messages that I suspect she didn't even recognize as
intended to inflict suffering. As she proclaimed, she was just "telling it
like it is." She, like so many of us, seems to think that
self-righteousness can win the day. We fail to notice that our need to tell it like it is, is so often coupled
with a great deal of unnecessary aggression. We so regularly end up expressing
the pain that we cannot hold – the pain that we cannot contain. For some
strange reason, it seems OK in our self-indignation-culture, to hurt others. It
is not that the true divide is liberal vs. conservative; it is love vs. hate.
And we just don't know how to handle the implications.
At the root of the solution is our capacity to overcome
ignorance. As we ignore the needs of others, we harm them just so we can wave
our political flag. And now we are in a trap of own making: as we ignore our
own needs, we fail to really know ourselves, and blame others for our own
ignorance and self-loathing.
At the same time, it’s not simply a case of, "All You Need
is Love." Sure, that's what we need lots of. Oodles of. Truckloads of. But
there is no way around it: We need to
train. Our habits are deeply ingrained, so we need to train. We can train our insight. We can train our reactivity. I think there
is no way to wiggle around this.
Perhaps
we could use some discussion. Please leave your comments.
© 2016 Alan Kent Anderson
© 2016 Alan Kent Anderson